Uber Alles, chaps, zimmer frames for Inger-land?

[Gordon McIvor Wilson]

Well, that's all right then chaps, Inger-land arent as bad as we thought last week.They did better against Germany than the Argies, by a clear goal - and really better by TWO clear goals if the incompetent ref from Uruguay for God's sake, had spotted the Inger-land second score.

And the Krauts have unfairly and unexpectedly launched a BLITZKRIEG for the second time in the last 70 years. Secretly plotted under 'Frau' Angela, the disarmingly un-physical, neck-less Leader or 'Fuehrer' of this great nation of Goths and Huns, a formation of supremely fit, mechanically-perfect, clean-cut National Youth players embarked upon a swift and clinical annihilation of the poncey, effete, ill-prepared and poorly led opposition teams caught napping by these novel and unsporting tactics.

The Hand of God was deployed, alas to no avail, as the vanquished of Los Malvinas succumbed to their erstwhile allies under the shadow of Table Mountain, and the benevolent gaze of Sepp Blatter and his cronies in the self-governing territory of Fifa-dom.