Wobbly start at Wombledon - Alpenhorn v Vuvuzela

[Gordon McIvor Wilson]

The Swiss franc came under heavy pressure this afternoon as several sub-stantial Gnomes quivered in their comfy padded seats on Centre Court as their national Hero [that's enough cherry jam, thank you - Ed] faced defeat at the hands of a Columbian cartel who had gate-crashed the proceedings.

Fortunately for Aegon, sponsors of the small yellow ball, Federer regained his customary alpen-advantage after 4 sets of alp-hanging stuff. Not an alpenhorn nor vuvuzela to be heard to drown out the orgasmic cries of adulation and emotion from the customary crowd of 'fans'.

On an action-packed afternoon, the customary pair of English girls exited the first round but Andy Murray is STILL IN (7.05pm) on this first day of the 2-week tournie.

[Gordon McIvor Wilson]

Cant understand how Caro Wozniacki is No3, quietly understated, yes I know the Delectable Dane and all that, but all these leggy East Europeans and suchlike - interesting to see how that pans out in a day or two.

[Gordon McIvor Wilson]

Record scores coming out of the Croquet Club, 46 all just now. I was on the ground when Pancho Gonzalez and someone else notched up 24-22 or somesuch, must have been early'70s.